Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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