My nipple is on Facebook.
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
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