New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize
