marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
