pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
I know her cup size but not her name....
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
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