FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
Randomize
