Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
