bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
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