So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
