And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
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