my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
