Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
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