Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
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