it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
