I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Randomize