Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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