One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
