i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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