A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
