all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
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