So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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