Me too!
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Randomize
