This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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