Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
Why are your pants in the freezer?
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
Randomize
