dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Randomize
