How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Randomize