WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
