The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
