someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize