me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Randomize
