So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Randomize
