what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
Houston, we have a squirter
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
