So drunk its hurt
dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
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