whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
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