I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Randomize
