I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
