That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
