foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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