bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
only you would photoshop your dick
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Randomize
