What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Randomize
