this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
