My first STD was from a foam party
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Randomize
