does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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