Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
This show inspires me to have sex in space
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Randomize
