I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
