theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
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