I murdered the dance floor call the cops
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
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