should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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