Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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