Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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