u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
You were trust falling into bushes
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Randomize
