I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
You may now shotgun with the bride
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
