Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
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