Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
