Me too!
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
