was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
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