just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Randomize
