I'm gonna have a badass scar
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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