You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
