Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Randomize
