Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
love makes seman taste better
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
