I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
I would ride that face into the sunset
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Randomize