Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
