she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
I need a burrito and a hug.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
Randomize
