just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
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